i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
