He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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