That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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