my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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