i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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