Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.