Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.