Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Randomize
