Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
