Porn is love you can see.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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