We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...