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I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I pour the whiskey from now on