Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.