All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today