I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.