the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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