puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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