kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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