don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.