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Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ttyl tear gas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Randomize
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