mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize