I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
