i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
