I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
