so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
two words: eviction party
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
