Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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