dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize