I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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