Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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