I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
