If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
