He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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