Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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