Grow some girl-balls and come out already
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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