Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
