Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
