so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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