Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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