I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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