I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.