Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption