I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.