I must be too annoying 4 u.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.