Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
