My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
