Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
