apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
