You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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