Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
