i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
