last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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