the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.