Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.