I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.