that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal