Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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