Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
