Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?