two words: eviction party
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.