You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice