i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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