His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
