im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
