I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
